March "Madness" has negative connotations I don't like. There's nothing "mad" about being excited for basketball. There are two things that "mad" should be associated with Mad About You and Mad Magazine. Both were hilarious and might still exist, but I'm not sure.
You don't want to hear me prattle on, so let's get to those hot picks!
Midwest
- People will probably be shocked to see Kentucky lose early after being given the No.1, but a combination of Mannheim Steamroller and a Ham is too much for fried chicken to overcome.
- Normally I'd pick a butler to make some noise because the butler always did it, but there are just too many watching eyes when the entire state of Texas is up in your business. Tough break.
- Wichita St. is a street full of witches. Not just one witch, but a bunch of them. That's a lot of spells and conjurations to deal with at once -- I don't care who the opponent is.
- Ultimately I have Valparaiso winning the division. Valparaiso was a really reliable capo for Vito Corleone in The Godfather, and was born in the greatest generation. Witches are scary, but they'd be dead before they know who capped them.
West
- I thought Baylor was going to go all the way. Why? Fun fact: "Bay-lor" is Klingon for "war." That's an entire alien species you're dealing with. However there was one problem...
- Texas's. It's more than one Texas. A single Texas is scary, Texas's is fearsome. So many people, so many guns.
- If the TRAIL to Oregon is such a pain in the ass and you die from dissentry, I can only imagine what the place is like. A strong run, but Texas's had your number.
- Arkansas vs. Wofford is a game between two words that someone made up in Scrabble. Neither team is to be trusted.
East
- I've never met a woman named "Georgia" who wasn't a complete bad-ass. Normally that would be enough to make it through, but Providence? That's being guided by some sort of higher power. Very tough to overcome. Until...
- VILLAIN NOVA. Take all the power of a villain and then make that energy explode like a supernova. Who can possibly stop that? The answer should be nobody.
- Louis Ville might not sounds tough on paper, but there are a lot of tough Louis' in history. Also Louis C.K. is hilarious. Opponents would probably die from laughter.
- NC St vs. LSU might be the toughest first-round game of the tourney. One side you have Nuk Street, on the other a compound that's one letter away from LSD. Spray drugs all over that street and there's no chance.
South
- Duke either refers to someone who owns a lot of land and controls vassals, or John Wayne. Neither of whom I'd like to face in a fight.
- History lesson: Georgetown E. Washington was the first President of the Uniteable States of America. It seems unfair to split him in two and make him fight himself. In reality the two pieces of his body would slump to the ground in a heap Mortal Kombat style, but I was forced to pick one.
- STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN IS RUNNING THE TABLE! I assume the "F" is a misprint. Vince McMahon is basically a duke, and we saw what happened to him during the Attitude Era.
- Gonzaga probably should have gone further. He was another really good Corleone family capo, but if Stone Cold existed in the 1960's he would be the entire mafia. Kiss the ring.
Final Four
This is where things get tough.
- Valparaiso is going to pull a Luca Brasi on Texas plurals. Texas abides by trust and honor, Valpo doesn't play those games.
- There's only one thing that could best Stone Cold Steve Austin and that's a VILLAIN NOVA. Yes, this will keep being typed in caps to emphasize just how dangerous a VILLAIN NOVA is.
- Valparaiso can bring all his friends, unite the families, hide a gun behind a toilet for Michael and bring an army... there's still nothing they can do against a VILLAIN NOVA. One's a group of villains, the other is a NOVA OF VILLAINS. That's simple math.
CONGRATULATIONS TO VILLAIN NOVA FOR WINNING THE BASKETBALL CONTEST!
Source SBNation.com - All Posts http://ift.tt/18D1hWa
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