Monday, April 20, 2015

Aron Baynes let Blake Griffin dunk on him again and again and again

It didn't have to end this way for the San Antonio Spurs' young big man.

Aron Baynes didn't play two years with Lietuvos Rytas of the Lithuanian Basketball League for this to happen to him:

Didn't he learn anything from Tim Duncan? Don't try to be the hero. It's not worth it. When you see Blake Griffin activate his Kia-sponsored thrusters, you leave the premises faster than when your mother asks why the plates are still in the sink. When you don't, you end up on a nightly SportsCenter reel with the hosts doing the sign of the cross in memory of your existence. Ask Pau Gasol. Ask Timofey Mozgov. There's a support group for people like this.

Baynes didn't share closet-sized rooms with teammates while on the road with the Austin Toros for this to happen to him. All he wanted was to show Gregg Popovich effort, repay the faith shown in him and maybe block a dunk. Now look at him.

Griffin turned him into the conversation topic of balding, divorced men in the barbershop. This Vine is going to be replayed endlessly by guys whose hairlines can only be seen through microscopes. And they're going to ooh and ahh before doing the laugh where you don't even make a sound. Then, they're going to slap their knees. Aron Baynes is a knee-slapper joke now.

Look at how excited the Clippers bench gets. I can't believe it's normal for human beings to celebrate public sacrifices like this in 2015. We should be better than this. This is the same joy taken from Mortal Kombat fatalities. Someone please leave a loving voicemail on Baynes' phone, because he needs it more than anyone else at this time.

At least it's a one-time thing and Baynes can learn his lesson. Trials and tribulations are important in a young man's life. The lesson is to never try to block Blake Griffin when he's trying to win the dunk contest in-game.

Oh, what's that? Baynes tried it again?

You just can't save some people. Look at how lifeless his body is in this one. That's a man who just got the "we need to talk" text from his significant other and he already knows why. Why not just take out the trash like she asked, Aron? Why does she have to tell you this over and over again?

He even does a sad bounce like Tigger telling his children that he lost his job.

Did he think that he was going to avenge his own demise from earlier? Baynes really thought he was Maximus Decimus Meridius. He saw Blake spin off the defender, and in his mind the crowd has already started the "Spaniard! Spaniard!" chants. He knew this was his chance. He was going to stop Blake Griffin in this life or the next.

Then Blake spit on the script, kicked it around, balled it up and dunked it over Baynes as he stood there with the saddest Eeyore eyes.

This isn't a movie, Aron. The good guy doesn't win here. Blake Griffin jumps over cars and does commercials where he drives motor vehicles off naval ships. This man stopped caring a long time ago. Don't give him a reason to hurt you. You may have thought the part of him that delights in tearing the joy out of the spirit of grown men was gone, but it was just biding its time.

Griffin shot jumpers, made some layups and even passed the ball. He did that thing where he complains about fouls. But that was all an act for his true motive. He's been eying Baynes the entire time. This is what he does. It's like how Arya Stark lists the names of people that she wants to kill every night. Blake dunks on cardboard cutouts of his future victims before bedtime.

The astounding thing in all of this is that Baynes didn't seem to pay attention to the scouting report. Gregg Popovich is a super-intelligent human being. There's almost no doubt that he wrote "Blake Griffin likes to put defenders on posters. Also, hates puppies" in big, bold, red letters. Everyone else heeded the warning. Yet here we are, mentioning Aron Baynes in past tense because pride and folly made him think that he was an exception.

Look at what this whole event did to poor super rich Steve Ballmer:

He's lost control of every bodily function. He's now one of the monsters from the upcoming Ghostbusters movie. His body looks like it's about to explode like a desperate Electrode that uses self-destruction as a last resort when you're about to win the Pokemon battle.

All because Aron Baynes didn't listen to his brain and tried to be a hero.



Source SBNation.com - All Posts http://ift.tt/1zC9npi

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